Paul McCartney & Evil Heather Mills Reach a 56 Million $$$ Settlement

Maybe Paul McCartney's money can't buy him love, but it can apparently buy his way out of an unhappy marriage.

According to published reports, the former Beatle has successfully brokered a settlement in his bitter divorce battle with Heather Mills, who has reportedly accepted his offer of an estimated $56 million in cash and property as well as joint custody of their three-year-old daughter, Beatrice.

As of Monday, there was no confirmation of the report from the respective camps of either McCartney or Mills.

Word of the purported settlement was first reported by Britain's News of the World—the same outlet that claimed Mills had accepted a $63 million settlement back in January, a report her legal team quickly denied.

Though proceedings in the Mills-McCartney divorce battle have been conducted behind closed doors, leaks from the courtroom have included reports that Mills, 39, was seeking $6.6 million a year—or about $20,000 a day—from her estranged husband, as well as sole custody of Beatrice.

Under the terms of the couple's alleged agreement, Mills will reportedly drop those demands and will in turn receive $48 million in cash, plus a Georgian mansion worth $8 million.

Because Mills and McCartney had no prenuptial agreement before they married in 2002, Mills could potentially have walked away from the split with one-quarter of the 64-year-old musician's fortune, valued at about $1.6 billion.

However, Mills, who has been raked over the coals by the British press since the couple announced their separation, has bristled at the suggestion that she entered the marriage with designs on McCartney's money.

"I fell in love for the right reason. I fell in love unconditionally," she said in an interview with Extra in November. "If I was a gold digger, I would have a lot of money in my bank account...I'd be worth millions and millions."

If the $56 million shoe fits…

Though neither Mills nor McCartney had commented on reports of a settlement, Mills took to her official Website Monday to defend herself against a report in London's Daily Mirror that outed her as having once worn a mink coat to a wedding, despite her ardent antifur stance.

"She really loved that coat. When I see her antifur campaigns now, I always chuckle," Mills' former sister-in-law, Dianna Karmal, told the paper.

In a message on her official Website, Mills said the photo of her in the fur was taken in 1989, before she was "aware of the issues surrounding the fur trade."

"The coat belonged to my mother, who had sadly died just a few days earlier, and I wore it because it made me feel close to her," Mills wrote. "I am not ashamed I wore it. At the time, I was not a vegetarian and was not an antifur campaigner."

Meanwhile, with her debut on Dancing with the Stars just a week away, Mills has expressed confidence that her artificial leg will not fly off during the reality competition's high-stepping routines, telling Extra that such an event is "very unlikely."

Nonetheless, offshore gambling Website bodog.com has started accepting wagers on the possibility of the prosthetic limb coming unattached unexpectedly, with a maximum bet of $50 on the outcome. The site is specifying that the limb "must fall off, not be purposely taken off," in order for bets to be honored.

Mills acquired her artificial limb after her left leg was amputated below the knee following a 1993 motorcycle accident.

"I'm hoping to show people that even with a prosthetic leg, you can dance," she told Extra last month.

Paris Hilton Looks Like a Tranny

Brangelina's Adoption Request DENIED

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have failed in their latest attempt to add to their rainbow family. The actor-activist couple learned yesterday that the Louisiana SPCA Animal Shelter had denied their request to adopt a three-month-old Labrador retriever puppy.

The shelter's refusal came as a shock to Brangelina watchers, who assumed that the couple's celebrity status and clout would be sufficient to allow them to adopt the next dalai lama if they chose. What's more, the shelter's website makes the following people-friendly declaration: "Whether you are looking for young or old, high energy or laid-back, we have the perfect pet for your lifestyle."

So, Brangelina watchers are asking, "What went wrong?"

A shelter employee who did not wish to be identified provided answers to that question.

"Granted, we are in the business of finding good homes for animals, but we don't just hand them over to every Tom, Dick, and Brad who walks through the door flashing money, a pretty wife, and a megawatt smile."

According to the shelter employee, the Jolie-Pitts' adoption request was denied because they had failed to answer several items on the adoption questionnaire satisfactorily.

"First, they did not meet our six month's residency requirement. Then under the why-do-you-want-a-pet question, they wrote, 'As a companion for our children.' That's not always a red flag, but two of their children are too young to behave responsibly around puppies, and we got the impression the couple wasn't through having and adopting chldren yet. Frankly, they came uncomfortably close to matching our 'collectors' profile

"We were also concerned about the couple's marital status, as we prefer to place puppies in more traditional intact homes. Their lack of knowledge about the breed didn't help their cause either. She couldn't even point to Labrador on a map, then she tried to excuse her failure by saying it was obviously not a country with pressing humanitarian issues."

The shelter employee was also puzzled by Ms. Jolie's behavior toward the puppy.

"During a supervised interaction period she held the puppy in her arms the entire time. Mr. Pitt kept asking her to put the puppy in the stroller he had brought with them so he could practice taking it for walks, but she ignored him until she finally told him to shut up. I felt sorry for him. He had the look of a man who's used to taking orders."

Neither Mr. Pitt nor Ms. Jolie answered our requests for comments about the shelter worker's statements.

David Schwimmer finds his own 'Rachel'

This time it's for real—I can reveal DAVID SCHWIMMER's fallen for a waitress.

The former Friends man—living in England while he directs his first movie—has been dating Zoe Buckman for two months.

The 33-year-old brunette works at celeb hangout the Cuckoo Club as a £15-an-hour drinks waitress and is said to be cuckoo about millionaire David, 40.

My spy told me: "David's always seeing loads of girls but he's stuck with Zoe for a few weeks now. He definitely fancies her like mad."

The couple were snapped together this week at London's posh Aura club.

They had planned to see Brits winner AMY WINEHOUSE at Shepherd's Bush Empire.

But when the troubled singer cancelled, David whisked Zoe off for a night on the town instead. The couple danced and drank champagne on a private table with pals, including actress SAFFRON BURROWS.

A club insider said: "They were snuggled up in a booth and were clearly into each other, talking closely and holding hands.

"And when they danced to some sexy R&B tracks it got close and very, very steamy." For years David raked it in playing geek Ross in Friends who falls in love with JENNIFER ANISTON's character Rachel in the US hit sitcom. Now he's crafting a career directing movies and has been in London for several months filming the rom-com Run, Fat Boy, Run.

A pal of Zoe last night confirmed: "Zoe's been spilling the beans. She says he's as funny as Ross but has sophistication and sex appeal too."

Well, things certainly seem to be going Schwimmingly for them.

Kateie, Tom, and Suri Out & About

Mischa Barton Channels Her inner Carrie Bradshaw

It could have been a scene from Sex And The City as Mischa Barton headed out for lunch in New York's trendy West Village recently. The former OC starlet did the series' main character Carrie Bradshaw proud as she hit the streets in a stylish white pea-coat, over-sized designer handbag, bling earrings and obligatory high heels. And in the absence of her Mr Big, boyfriend Cisco Adler, she was accompanied for the outing by her pet pooch Ziggy.

Unsurprisingly the gorgeous actress had no trouble hailing a yellow cab after lunching with a pal. The 21-year-old is likely to be making the most of her free time at the moment having completed several films of late in her bid to break onto the silver screen.

She has recently wrapped Closing The Ring, which co-stars veteran talents Christopher Plummer and Shirley MacLaine, as well as Virgin Territory with Star Wars hunk Hayden Christensen, and Don't Fade Away with rapper Ja Rule. Next up for the London-born star is Malice In Sunderland, a modern take on children's story Alice In Wonderland.

Lindsay Lohan in NYC

Lindsay Lohan leaves her hotel Saturday for another night out in New York City. The recently rehabbed star spent the previous night out with mom Dina at hot spot Stereo, where she danced, sipped water and hung out with friends as DJ AM spun.

Britney Admits She is Bulimic

Britney Spears has confessed to doctors that she has been suffering from the eating disorder bulimia since she was 16. The 25-year-old singer tearfully told rehab staff – already treating her for drug and alcohol abuse – that she “pigs out” on junk food like burgers, sweets, biscuits and ice cream then makes herself vomit to avoid putting on weight. Britney’s nine-year nightmare, revealed in an American magazine, was confirmed by a senior source at the £24,000-a-month Promises centre in Malibu, California. She entered the centre last month after shaving her head at a hair salon. “Doctors are alarmed at the physical state she is in,” said the source. “They confronted her about her desperately unhealthy lifestyle and the truth came pouring out.” Britney said she managed to stop the dangerous habit during her two pregnancies. But as soon as sons Sean Preston and Jayden James were born, she began the desperately unhealthy cycle again in an effort to lose her added baby weight. On top of her alcohol and alleged cocaine use, the bulimia turned her into a “human wreck”, according to the source, who added: “When she came here she was shaking and baking. Her whole body was wracked by spasms and she was hot one minute, then freezing cold the next. “Her first week in detox was real hell. She was in a total mess but slowly she’s pulling through.” Dietary specialists at Promises are working with doctors to help Britney conquer the eating disorder – famously suffered by Princess Diana – which was discovered when specialists realised why her medications were not working. The source said: “For the first few days, she’d take her tablets, then go off and eat breakfast or lunch. She was throwing the whole lot up, so, naturally, her medications weren’t working. Now the medical experts know why, her progress should pick up a little speed.”