Brangelina's Adoption Request DENIED

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have failed in their latest attempt to add to their rainbow family. The actor-activist couple learned yesterday that the Louisiana SPCA Animal Shelter had denied their request to adopt a three-month-old Labrador retriever puppy.

The shelter's refusal came as a shock to Brangelina watchers, who assumed that the couple's celebrity status and clout would be sufficient to allow them to adopt the next dalai lama if they chose. What's more, the shelter's website makes the following people-friendly declaration: "Whether you are looking for young or old, high energy or laid-back, we have the perfect pet for your lifestyle."

So, Brangelina watchers are asking, "What went wrong?"

A shelter employee who did not wish to be identified provided answers to that question.

"Granted, we are in the business of finding good homes for animals, but we don't just hand them over to every Tom, Dick, and Brad who walks through the door flashing money, a pretty wife, and a megawatt smile."

According to the shelter employee, the Jolie-Pitts' adoption request was denied because they had failed to answer several items on the adoption questionnaire satisfactorily.

"First, they did not meet our six month's residency requirement. Then under the why-do-you-want-a-pet question, they wrote, 'As a companion for our children.' That's not always a red flag, but two of their children are too young to behave responsibly around puppies, and we got the impression the couple wasn't through having and adopting chldren yet. Frankly, they came uncomfortably close to matching our 'collectors' profile

"We were also concerned about the couple's marital status, as we prefer to place puppies in more traditional intact homes. Their lack of knowledge about the breed didn't help their cause either. She couldn't even point to Labrador on a map, then she tried to excuse her failure by saying it was obviously not a country with pressing humanitarian issues."

The shelter employee was also puzzled by Ms. Jolie's behavior toward the puppy.

"During a supervised interaction period she held the puppy in her arms the entire time. Mr. Pitt kept asking her to put the puppy in the stroller he had brought with them so he could practice taking it for walks, but she ignored him until she finally told him to shut up. I felt sorry for him. He had the look of a man who's used to taking orders."

Neither Mr. Pitt nor Ms. Jolie answered our requests for comments about the shelter worker's statements.