WhoTheFuck is Jason Wahler? And Whythefuck Does Anyone Care?

Jason Wahler, star of MTV's "The Hills" and "Laguna Beach," pleaded no contest today to one count of battery, and was sentenced to 60 days in Los Angeles County Jail.

Wahler, 20, and model Kristin DeLuca, 25, were arrested in September 2006 after an altercation on Wilshire Blvd. The two and a group of friends were driving on Wilshire when their vehicle was blocked by a city vehicle and a tow truck attempting to move an illegally parked car. The pair jumped out of their car and got into a verbal altercation with the city employee and the tow truck drivers. Wahler punched one of the drivers and DeLuca kicked the tow operator and spit in his face. The drivers called the cops after restraining Wahler. His blood alcohol level at the time of his arrest was .22 -- nearly three times the legal limit.

Wahler pleaded no contest to one count of battery, and in addition to jail time, was ordered to attend 104 AA meetings, 36 hours of anger management classes, and to stay away from all of the victims. DeLuca pleaded no contest to one count of battery and was sentenced to 24 months of probation. She also must serve 15 days working on the road with CalTrans.

Wahler and De Luca must also participate in a one-day Museum of Tolerance program because of the numerous racial slurs they uttered during the incident.

Wahler has until May 4 to turn himself in.

In a related story, Wahler was arrested just this past weekend after cops say he "resisted a public officer" during a raid against underage drinking in a North Carolina nightclub.

Joel Madden is an Idiot

Pint-sized punk rocker Joel Madden is being investigated for allegedly striking a female photographer in Beverly Hills over the weekend. The photographer claims Madden attacked her and swung his arm and struck her on the left breast “with the heel of his hand” when she tried to take his picture.

Are you surprised a 4′ 11″ wannabe bad-ass who believes tattoos equal street cred/toughness would hit a woman (allegedly)?

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Jake Gyllenhaal Loves to Touch the Tata's

THE Devil Wears Prada actress ANNE HATHAWAY has dished the dirt on some of Hollywood's hunkiest leading men and how they like to kiss. And while she rates Becoming Jane co-star JAMES McAVOY as a true gent who never tries to slip the tongue - Anne reveals that JAKE GYLLENHAAL asked to touch her boobs in Brokeback Mountain.

She told radio station Heart: "Sometimes you work with actors, and they can be lovely guys, but they have kind of dodgy instincts when it comes to kissing in scenes. "They want to try to make it look a bit too real if you know what I mean. With James, right before we started he turned to me and said 'closed mouths, no tongue' and that's what I normally say to people - so it was a pleasure."

Anne then cheekily added: "There was this scene in Brokeback Mountain where I get my kit off and I'm in the car with Jake Gyllenhaal and he's touched my shoulder and he's touched my stomach and he's touched around my back. Everywhere except for, you know, 'the girls'. So the director yells cut and we go behind a screen and I'm putting my clothes back on and Jake comes up to me and says: 'Annie, the thing is, the scene, in real life I would… and the director's not yelling cut, so… can I?' I just turned to him and said: 'It's okay Jake, yes, you can touch my boobs.'"

Howard K. Stern Admits He is a Slimeball & not the Father of Danilynne

Howard K. Stern has reportedly admitted he's not the father of Anna Nicole Smith's daughter Dannielynn and is now willing to sign over the paternity rights to the man who believes he is the baby's real dad, Larry Birkhead — for the right price.

Since Anna Nicole's shock death last month at the age of 39, the legal wrangling over paternity has increased, with an adamant Larry continuing the fight he started when Dannielynn was born last September.

However, while Anna Nicole fended off Larry's court orders for a DNA test, now she's passed away it's rumoured Howard is willing to hand Dannielynn over to Larry in exchange for a portion of her estate.

While Howard is listed as the girl's father on the birth certificate, insiders say that, during a recent meeting with Larry, he confessed he's not the dad. While Anna Nicole fought to keep Larry away from Dannielynn while she was alive, Howard let his former lover's rival meet the baby recently.

In exchange for giving Dannielynn to Larry, insiders say Howard wants ongoing control of Anna Nicole's estate. Once all the issues surrounding the estate have been settled, he also wants to become Dannielynn's trustee.

It's unknown how much money Anna Nicole had when she died, but the star had recently won the right to contest more than $600 million from the estate of her late husband J. Howard Marshall II, an oil billionaire who died in 1995 without writing Anna Nicole into his will.

Howard, who's admitted he was financially dependent on Anna Nicole, is also rumoured to be claiming the Bahamas house and the boat the star bought shortly before her death.

While Larry hasn't commented publicly on the secret deal between the two men, he has revealed how happy it made him to hold five-month-old Dannielynn for the first time. He says seeing her confirmed to him what he knew in his heart all along — that he is her father. "She's mine," he says. "That's my baby. She looks like me — she is mine."

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Nicole Kidman Gives Urban a Lap Dance

Actress Nicole Kidman displays a hidden talent as she enjoys a Caribbean boat trip with recovering addict husband Keith Urban.

The 39-year-old actress performed a saucy pole dance for the country singer, and the couple looked as if they have put his spell in rehab behind them.

The couple kissed and canoodled on board the yacht, off St Barts in the French West Indies yesterday and seemed very happy.

They also went snorkelling, although Nicole looked rather less glamorous than usual in a black wetsuit and goggles.

Kidman insists she and Urban have moved on after his stint in rehab for substance abuse and are now trying for a family.

She said: "We've been through a lot. We had to dig really deep and that's what we're in the process of doing. "Am I going to have a baby? I hope so."